Saturday Musings – Saying Sorry When It’s Not Your Fault

Saturday Musings – Saying Sorry When It’s Not Your Fault

Many people have no problem with saying sorry when they’ve done something wrong but refuse to apologize when they firmly believe they're right. They take the stance, that since they’ve done nothing wrong (in their eyes) then why should they say sorry. What this behavior clearly demonstrates is their lack of understanding of the purpose of apologizing.

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Saying your sorry has less to do with right and wrong and more to do with hurt feelings. Being right doesn’t mean you haven’t hurt someone else’s feelings and standing on your dignity by not apologizing often just makes the situation worse.

This year I’m coming up to my thirtieth wedding anniversary with the most wonderful, patient and loving lady I could ever dream of spending my life with. Has it all been plain sailing? Heck no! Like any marriage, over the years we’ve had our ups and downs.

I remember one time when I knew that I knew that I was right and yet my wife was in tears in front of me. This was a bazaar situation for a young male who inadvertently poured buckets of gas on his wife's flaming misery by telling her to just “get over it”. It was after a number of these episodes that it dawned on me (with a lot of help from Roselyn) that because I did no wrong didn’t mean I was right.

Sure enough……it happened again. I took the superior position of being “right” and expected Roselyn to realize the error of her feelings. We males can be really dumb sometimes! It took a few minutes for me to work out that I was about to go on the merry-go-round again so this time I decided to step off.

I apologized. Not for anything I’d done wrong but for the fact that I’d hurt her feelings. Something magical happened in that moment…..peace was restored to our relationship.

So many of us are trying to win each and every battle with those that we “love” that we forget we’re actually not at war. A simple heart-felt apology is often all that it takes to restore the relationship and bring a little bit of heaven to your earth.

Like I said, I’m coming up to my thirtieth anniversary this year and when you’ve been around someone that long you learn a lot about them and yourself. It’s been an adventure that has led to a depth of love, respect and appreciation that has far surpassed my expectations when we first got married…..we thought we loved each other then. LOL! That was nothing compared to now.

Learning to say sorry when you’re not at fault is one of the many lessons that my wife and I have both learned over the years. As we look forward to the years ahead I sometimes wonder how we can love each other more than we already do……and then I look at both of our parents who have been married for 50+ years and smile.

If you want to build long last relationships with your loved ones then my advice is to humble yourself to say sorry even when you don’t think you should.

Have a great weekend!

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Comments

Wolftalker on 19 March 2017
Yep.

Men are dopes until about 40 years of age.

Men are dopes until about 40 years of age.
Guest - JP on 20 March 2017
Woa

Woa look at you guys!

Woa look at you guys!
mgilmour on 20 March 2017

I was really young.....and looked younger!

I was really young.....and looked younger!
Guest - Niz on 20 March 2017
Good Luck for Another 30+

We'll said Michael.. good luck for Another 30+

We'll said Michael.. good luck for Another 30+
mgilmour on 20 March 2017

Thanks for that!

Thanks for that!
Rawgi on 20 March 2017
Great one

I remember reading that you should treat each day with your wife as though you are still dating her. As time goes by it is very easy to become complacent and take her for granted. You cared enough to want to share your life with this person, so you should act like it is the greatest honor to share everything with her. Women don't always see things the way men do, and we have to be alert to realizing this. I compared arguing withstanding across a fire from your mate with a can of gas, each thinks they can win, but both are wrong. Apologizing is not giving in, it is being understanding that even though you may be right, at what cost is the win if you hurt her feelings. I found that it is easier to sit and talk about the differing opinions and views, than to try and take back something said in anger. I am no expert at this, just my thoughts on the subject. Bravo to both of you for making it work, hope you have many more years of sharing your lives.

I remember reading that you should treat each day with your wife as though you are still dating her. As time goes by it is very easy to become complacent and take her for granted. You cared enough to want to share your life with this person, so you should act like it is the greatest honor to share everything with her. Women don't always see things the way men do, and we have to be alert to realizing this. I compared arguing withstanding across a fire from your mate with a can of gas, each thinks they can win, but both are wrong. Apologizing is not giving in, it is being understanding that even though you may be right, at what cost is the win if you hurt her feelings. I found that it is easier to sit and talk about the differing opinions and views, than to try and take back something said in anger. I am no expert at this, just my thoughts on the subject. Bravo to both of you for making it work, hope you have many more years of sharing your lives.
mgilmour on 20 March 2017

Thanks for that Rawgi. I really appreciate your kind words.

Thanks for that Rawgi. I really appreciate your kind words.
Mike_Young88 on 20 March 2017
So true!!

I can relate to that as I think I have travelled a similar path to you. Strangely enough we are also coming up to our 30th anniversary early next year. I believe it is better to be at peace that to stubbornly push your point, no matter how right you are. Great post and love the photo.

I can relate to that as I think I have travelled a similar path to you. Strangely enough we are also coming up to our 30th anniversary early next year. I believe it is better to be at peace that to stubbornly push your point, no matter how right you are. Great post and love the photo.
mgilmour on 20 March 2017

Awesome! Happy 30th for you as well :-)

Awesome! Happy 30th for you as well :-)
joezeppy on 21 March 2017
Great Post - Congratulations Too

Hi Michael,

Great post. Congrats on your 30th!

Hi Michael, Great post. Congrats on your 30th!
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