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Saturday Musings - Three Vital Aspects of the Truth

20180225_truth

Whether it be with work colleagues, clients or even family members building relationships can be one of the most difficult, time consuming but fulfilling activities you can do. Let’s assume we are all telling the truth….so what do we do when we discover someone is lying?

Escrow.com

Truth is a Perspective
Over the years, I’ve seen so many people accuse their friends and even family members of lying. Sadly, it’s almost with a sense of glee that they pounce on a perceived untruth and fling it in the face of a loved one. I have no idea why some people like doing this….after all, aren’t they accusing someone they care for?

Here’s a good lesson. Always remember that truth is a perspective and when you are looking from the outside at another person’s life you may not know the full details of the picture. Because you believe you’ve caught a person in a bold faced lie doesn’t mean that it’s true…..

I recently received an email from a person accusing me of a whole lot of things….none of which were true. They’d leapt to a huge number of conclusions based upon an external perspective and without knowing the actual facts. The challenge for me was how to respond to the accusations in a manner that I hoped would be received. This leads into the next topic…..

How to Share the Truth
Here’s the catch with the truth…..huge amounts of damage can be inflicted on relationships when the truth is shared in a negative, rather than a positive manner. It’s very easy to shove the truth in someone else’s face but much, much harder to share it in a way that it will be received.

Here’s a hint with the truth…..be gentle. Don’t be a “bull in a china shop” and go charging around someone else’s life because you believe you’ve caught them doing something wrong. Be gentle, humble and caring. It’s through tough times like this that you’ll strengthen your relationships rather than destroy them.

I’m going to be a little old school here. Accusing someone in an email, a text, instant messenger or anything other than face-to-face or at the very least a phone call is fraught with danger.

Body language is around 55% of communication and voice tonality is 38%. This means that IM or email you just fired off in the heat of the moment conveys around 7% of the actual message you’re trying to convey. Any wonder the receiver felt like they just received the relationship equivalent of a drone strike.

If the relationship is important, then take the time out to actually speak. If you don’t really care about the other person then be my guest and launch WW3…..but remember that you may regret that decision after the missile has been fired. So be gentle, loving and caring.

When to Share the Truth
One of the dangers of our world of instant communication is some of us can feel pressured to instantly respond. I was recently speaking with one of my daughters about the fact that her phone seemed to be her very bad master rather than a good servant.

She shared with me that something really upsetting had happened with a particular relationship and she had to respond straight away…... I told her to put her phone down and take some time out to collect her thoughts.

It's OK to take some time to consider a reply rather than immediately launching back with an accusation of our own. Consideration seems to almost be a dying art.....maybe we should all practice it a bit more.

If you have just discovered something about someone then think about whether it’s a good time to have a heart to heart with them or not. If they’re going through a personal crisis then I would say it’s unlikely they will listen to you in a positive manner.

What does this mean? When to share the truth is more about the other person then about you. Just because you’ve caught them “red handed” doesn’t mean you have to express it immediately. What’s the point in blurting something out if they other person is in no fit state to hear what you’re saying?

Likewise, think about your own emotional state. If you’re going through some tough times, then it may be a better idea to take a deep breath and put that burning issue you’ve just discovered on the back burner for a while. You don’t have to tackle every problem in your life immediately and all at once.

 

The foundations of all relationships is the truth and the single most important goal of openly sharing the truth should be to strengthen your relationships. Think of the truth as being like a belt that keeps everything in your life together....without it you may discover something things begin to slip down around your ankles.

Also, being right doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the right thing to do….. What’s the point in being right if you’ve lost a friend? So be gentle, loving and caring….

Have a great weekend!

Saturday Musings - How to Develop Trust
Interview with Jackson at the Escrow.com Offices

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Comments

Wolftalker on 26 February 2018
Insightful.

Good post M.

Good post M.
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