Do you ever put up with people that just treat you badly? Maybe their work colleagues, friends or even family members. They seem to believe that they can treat you in whatever manner they like, while you have to obey a series of rules that they impose upon you.
I had a situation like this and it was really perplexing how to first of all identify the bad behaviour and then take action to prevent it from happening in the future. Remember, you can never change the other person, but you can change your own behaviour in how you will relate to them into the future.
As a part of my research into how to deal with my own personal situation I read a great article that really helped me in identifying bad behaviour. In essence the article pointed out that when you feel confused in a personal situation that it’s often due to FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt).
Fear – the other person tries to level a degree of fear on your life. This could be fear of losing a client, job, a loved one or anything that will make you apprehensive.
Obligation – they will then explain in detail how you owe them or others and that you should alter your behaviour accordingly.
Guilt – making you feel guilty for not doing something they want you to do is a great weapon in their arsenal. They will often say things like, “How do you think this will impact your children?” See this for what it is, guilt.
The goal of people that treat you badly will be to get you to do what they want you to do. This is actually a form of bullying and unless you stand up to the bully then you’ll be forever running around trying to please them.
Once you’ve worked out the FOG situation then ask yourself whether they are adding a high level of aggression into the mix…..nine times out of ten you’ll see it in their eyes.
When you point out their FOG behaviour it’s very likely they will get angry at you and begin to try to argue with you to do what they want. If they behave in this manner then remove yourself from the situation....you have a right to be treated with respect and you should never put up with aggression.
When you begin to stand up for yourself and insist on being treated with respect they won’t be able to help themselves as they get incredibly frustrated with you…..after all, you’re not their whipping boy/girl anymore.
The temptation here is to not do what they ask just because they asked….don’t do this. Make your own mind up and decide to follow through with your own decision making. Get some good advice about the situation to help you along the way (not from the bad behaving person).
Never forget that when you make your own decisions that you won’t be able to please everyone. For all of your best efforts, there will always be someone that will get their nose out of joint. That is their problem. They can only change themselves and you can only change you.
I hope my own experience with FOG helps you out.
Have a great weekend!