There’s a solid body of evidence that my cat, Pepper, completely rules the Gilmour household. Each morning Pepper is waiting outside our bedroom door with an impatient look on her face, demanding that we satisfy her need for food.
Cat owners all understand that their feline masters can be most petulant when it comes to the types of food they demand. In my case, Pepper has gone off the gourmet variety turkey dinner and is insisting on salmon.
If I behaved this way with my wife then it would be bread and water for me. As for Pepper, she now has us buying the salmon…..well at least until she gets tired of that morsel.
At the end of a long day it’s always nice to put your feet up and watch a little bit of television. I have to make sure that I don’t sit in Pepper’s spot on the couch or like Sheldon from the TV sitcom, The Big Bang Theory, she’ll pace back and forth until I move.
Once I’m resettled, she climbs up beside me and demands that I give her a scratch behind the ears. The demand comes in the form of a head-butt until I satisfy her itch. I could be in the middle of a great show but as her underling I must first comply with her wishes.
It’s at this point my other masters, I’m mean children, come into the room and calmly place a vacuum cleaner into my wallet to suck out everything but the lint. At least they give me a smile and thank me for the privilege of leaving me destitute, so I suppose all is good.
Just when I’m really enscounced for an evening’s entertainment at the end of a long week my youngest daughter (ie. Overlord) requests my attendance at the car to drive her to youth group. Sighing inwardly, I take off my moccasins, put my runners back on and head out into the cold night air.
Upon returning home my eldest daughter/master gives me a tongue lashing because I didn’t reply to her text message within the required two seconds. I don’t know what it is about the younger generation but they seem to assume that you’re dead if you don’t instantly respond by typing on a device meant for speaking…..I think I’m feeling my age.
So after settling back in my assigned spot beside my feline queen on the couch, I once again return my attention to the television, completely oblivious to the fact that my wife has been having a conversation with me for the last thirty seconds. I finally get the hint when I hear my name follow by “are you listening to me?”
For most guys this is a really difficult question to answer. If I say no, then I’m in big trouble for ignoring my wife even though I didn’t even know was there (which is really bad). If I say yes, then I have no idea what I’m about to agree to.
So what do males normally say, “Honey, can you please clarify what you mean again?” This provides us with a breather too catch-up on the clearly important decision that you’re about to make. After all, happy wife, happy life :-)
It’s at this point that I become distracted by the fact that I forgot to pause my television show and Pepper resuming her head-butt treatment. I then receive a text from my youngest daughter asking to be picked up because everything is finishing early and my eldest daughter picks up the remote, changes the station and sits down to watch something about “Bachelors”.
After answering my wife while I give Pepper a scratch I depart to pick up my youngest daughter. Upon returning, I excused myself, disappear into my study and buy a domain. Oh it’s good being free again!
Have a great weekend!
