Living in a country like Australia, it’s often easy to fall into the trap of a first world mindset. We’ve been blessed with so much compared to other people and yet many of us aren’t happy. I’ve found that often the best way to become happier is to spend some time around Easter each year being grateful for what I have rather than what I don’t have.

For instance, the fact that I can turn on a tap and have clean running water puts me ahead of about 50% of the worlds population. When I flush the toilet what’s inside goes away rather than towards me is something I will be eternally grateful to the plumbers of this world.

Being able to go to the supermarket and have a huge selection of produce is nothing short of miraculous. It’s not just, do I want to buy an apple but what type of apple do I want to buy. Having food on the shelves to purchase is an incredible feet of logistics that I am so grateful for.

Over the last few weeks I’ve been unpacking the traits of truth, trust and learning and how they’ve helped me in my own personal relationships. A good way of thinking about the principles is as the three points of a triangle. In this article I’m going to explore what is in the centre of all of us…..our character.

Many people confuse doing good as their character. Doing good is the result of good character and NOT character in itself. What is character? One dictionary defines good character as:

“The stable and distinctive qualities built into an individual’s life which determine his or her response regardless of circumstances.”

A stable person often has a set of values that form the bedrock of their life. These values determine how they interact with others and how they respond to circumstances. Notice, that I haven’t made a judgement call on what the values are.

Some people have a value of selfishness that results in every interaction they have being focused on benefiting them. From their perspective life is all about accumulating more rather than giving out.

In my last two “Saturday Musings” I’ve shared about the two life principles of truth and trust. Both these principles are the foundation stones for building strong relationships that stand the test of time. Even though they are vitally important, without the third principle learning, truth and trust can become soul destroying as you berate yourself for, yet again making another mistake.

A learning mindset means that when you “blow it”, you give yourself the grace to learn from the situation. This provides the liberty to improve yourself if you’re faced with the same issue again. A learning mind focuses not on condemnation but on improvement.

To illustrate this point, let me share with you a story that I read a number of years ago. An IBM salesman received a phone call that meant he’d missed out on a $10 million-dollar deal. He’d put a lot of effort into trying to secure the agreement, but the results clearly showed that he’d cost the company a lot of money.

With a downcast face he packed his personal belongings into a box, stepped out into the hallway and closed his office door for the last behind him. He headed to his boss’s office to say good-bye. “It’s always better to resign rather than be fired,” he said to himself.

There is nothing stronger than when you trust a person completely and nothing more devastating when trust is broken. So how do you gain someone’s trust and how do you maintain it?

Both these questions are at the heart of our society as trust is the glue that bonds us all together. Without some level of trust, your relationship with your spouse, children, neighbours, and government would shatter.

From a business perspective, contracts may spell out what each party expects of the other but ultimately, it’s trust that underpins the agreements. Without trust, we won’t have business and society fall into anarchy.

The first thing to realise about trust is like every relationship it’s built upon a solid foundation of truth. I discussed truth in last week’s Saturday musings and you may want to have a read of that article. Assuming you are truthful then how do you build trust?

The fact is, trust takes time to develop. Although it can be instantly lost, it’s rarely, if ever, immediately given. A good way to think about trust is to imagine everyone has a “trust bank account” that you can deposit or withdraw from. The question is, what are you depositing and withdrawing?

Whether it be with work colleagues, clients or even family members building relationships can be one of the most difficult, time consuming but fulfilling activities you can do. Let’s assume we are all telling the truth….so what do we do when we discover someone is lying?

Truth is a Perspective
Over the years, I’ve seen so many people accuse their friends and even family members of lying. Sadly, it’s almost with a sense of glee that they pounce on a perceived untruth and fling it in the face of a loved one. I have no idea why some people like doing this….after all, aren’t they accusing someone they care for?

Here’s a good lesson. Always remember that truth is a perspective and when you are looking from the outside at another person’s life you may not know the full details of the picture. Because you believe you’ve caught a person in a bold faced lie doesn’t mean that it’s true…..

I recently received an email from a person accusing me of a whole lot of things….none of which were true. They’d leapt to a huge number of conclusions based upon an external perspective and without knowing the actual facts. The challenge for me was how to respond to the accusations in a manner that I hoped would be received. This leads into the next topic…..

How to Share the Truth
Here’s the catch with the truth…..huge amounts of damage can be inflicted on relationships when the truth is shared in a negative, rather than a positive manner. It’s very easy to shove the truth in someone else’s face but much, much harder to share it in a way that it will be received.