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Saturday Musings - Building a Strong Relationship
I was at a Christmas party the other night and was having a chat with a person when the conversation moved from the weather to, how have I maintained my strong marriage. The questions caused me to reflect upon what I’ve learned over the last 32 years and how simple decisions have contributed to my own wonderful relationship.
Learn about your spouse
Roselyn and I had been married for a few years and one night we decided to have a movie and munchies night at home. I rented a video (remember doing that!) and picked up some chips and chocolate to enjoy together.
Upon arriving home, my wife looked downcast and said, “You know I don’t like Salt and Vinegar chips.”
I must admit that I was completely stunned at this comment but not for the reasons you may initially assume. You see, I was stunned because after all the time of dating, being engaged and now married for several years I had not paid attention to this simplest of thing about the most important person in the world to me.
It was then and there that I decided to learn everything I could about this incredible woman that had decided to live her life with me. In fact, we both decided to learn about each other and what we discovered was that our love grew exponentially in the process.
Several years later we were with a group of friends and one of them suggested we play the game “Battle of the Sexes” where husbands and wives played together and had to guess their spouse’s answers to various questions. If you answered correctly you could have another turn and move your marker on the board towards the finish line. Because of our desire to really know each other, Roselyn finished the game before the others had their second turn…..
I don’t share this story to brag but to illustrate that we often think we know the ones we love and more often than not, we don’t know them at all. I’m the first person to admit that I don’t and won’t know everything about my wife. This is one of the amazing adventures that comes with a lifetime of commitment…..and trust me, it is an adventure.
How to stop arguments
Like most young married couples Roselyn and I used to argue continuously. As the years went by, we recognised several common symptoms to arguments that when identified cured 99% of them. We now call these the four S’s.
Sleep
If you or your significant other is tired then whatever you do, don’t try and have a serious conversation. I know you’ll desperately want to have one but trust me when I say that nothing is solved at 2am in the morning when the other person just wants to put their head on the pillow. If you hold your tongue then amazingly, in the morning, the issue isn’t as big as you thought it was and a rational conversation can be had.
Sustenance
If either of you is hungry then I can almost guarantee that an argument will ensue. When you’re hungry, tiny slights look like Mount Everest and no matter what the other person says, they’re wrong. Just have something to eat and everything will be much better.
Sunshine
I know this will seem silly but if you get outside and enjoy each other’s company then life always seems better. Feeling the warm sun on your skin as you walk hand in hand around the park is a sure-fire way of stopping any arguments.
Sex
If you haven’t had sex lately then you’re going to be pretty on edge. Rather than try and win the argument why don’t you just apologise and move onto the make-up stage…..it’s far better and more fun.
There you have it, the four S’s. I must admit that the last time we had an argument was months ago and it was so stupid we both ended up having a laugh about it after reviewing the four S’s. I’ve personally found that most arguments are pretty stupid and within a few days I can’t remember what they were about in the first place. So just think about the four S’s and move on….
I must admit that I never thought I’d find myself sharing relationship advice on my blog.....this article feels a little like a "Dear Auntie...." column in a newspaper. Besides this, I hope you found this more personal article useful in your own circumstances and that it helps you grow in your love and appreciation for that special person in your life.
Have a great weekend!
Michael
Comments
After divorcing about 35 years ago, my ex and I remained friends, always helping each other in times of need. Now 45 years to the day we are getting married again. I can honestly say I love this partner and greatest friend I have ever had more than I had ever thought possible. Each day is a learning experience and an opportunity to find something new. I just might have a clue as to what you feel Michael for your wife. I am finding there isn't a choice, it just is. there is so much more to this, but maybe another time. Good luck and many more years of happiness to both you and Roslyn. Oh and Merry Christmas.