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Saturday Musings - Dealing With Bad Behaviour

Cutting through the emotional FOG is difficult.

Do you ever put up with people that just treat you badly? Maybe their work colleagues, friends or even family members. They seem to believe that they can treat you in whatever manner they like, while you have to obey a series of rules that they impose upon you.

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I had a situation like this and it was really perplexing how to first of all identify the bad behaviour and then take action to prevent it from happening in the future. Remember, you can never change the other person, but you can change your own behaviour in how you will relate to them into the future.

As a part of my research into how to deal with my own personal situation I read a great article that really helped me in identifying bad behaviour. In essence the article pointed out that when you feel confused in a personal situation that it’s often due to FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt).

Fear – the other person tries to level a degree of fear on your life. This could be fear of losing a client, job, a loved one or anything that will make you apprehensive.

Obligation – they will then explain in detail how you owe them or others and that you should alter your behaviour accordingly.

Guilt – making you feel guilty for not doing something they want you to do is a great weapon in their arsenal. They will often say things like, “How do you think this will impact your children?” See this for what it is, guilt.

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Saturday Musings – When Your Body Says, “My Turn!”

Being sick is not fun!

This past week was pretty tough for me. My wife Roselyn was sick with the flu and kindly shared it with our daughters. Afterall, sharing is caring right? So there I was quarantining myself in my study thinking that I’d dodged a viral bullet when I sneezed.

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There’s something about that first sneeze that caused me to instantly reflect upon whether I’d forgotten to sanitise my hands after dealing with one of the other three germ buckets in the household. Heedless of my reflection my body went into overdrive to try and combat the microbial attack.

For several days I felt like a billion tiny invaders were trying to pull me down but like a trooper my brain said “No” and I kept on working. It’s times like this that some of us need to get a revelation about the fact that our brain is merely a passenger in our body and sometimes the body steps in to say it’s in charge……so day three comes around.

Under the unending onslaught my body told my brain that it’d had enough and so I spent half the day sleeping. I woke up to a throbbing headache, a nose that dripped like a tap and eyes that felt like they were exploding in my skull.

Not to mention the itchy ears. What is it with itchy ears anyway? How on earth can you scratch your ear? Trust me, I tried and failed at that task. I watched on from the couch while the rest of the family got better, and I sarcastically thanked them for sharing their misery with me.

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Leaving on a Jet Plane...

I’m leaving in a few hours to head to the ICANN conference in Barcelona. I must admit that I’m not looking forward to sitting in a tin can at 30,000 feet for 24 hours….which causes me to reflect on the lessons I’ve learned from traveling the many miles to different events around the world.

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For a start, I don’t let anyone plan my trips…..I’ve tried different travel agents and they always get it wrong. I’ve found the more time and care you take before you leave the ground the easier the trip becomes.

Anything and I mean anything that you can do to speed yourself through security and check-on is a MUST. I have an APEC card that allows me to go into the diplomatic/crew lines through most customs and being a member of the Qantas club reduces your time checking in considerably.

I should also mention that when traveling for business I only take carry-on luggage. That fourth pair of shoes you are packing just in case the laces break on the previous three aren’t necessary. If you’re traveling for five days, then why take changes of clothes for ten? Let's face it.....the worse case scenario is that you use your Visa to buy that thing you need.

I have my favourite jeans and t-shirt for being on the plane and one of the first things I normally do when I arrive at my destination is get them washed for the return journey. It really doesn’t cost that much compared to the amount of time you have to wait for the carousel at the airport to popup your bag….assuming that it does actually arrive.

This trip I will be checking on my bag…..because Roselyn is traveling with me and we plan on having a couple of weeks’ vacation after the conference. I must admit that I am checking bags on under sufferance......gggrrrrrrr! I guess it's one of the problems with traveling with someone else....

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vanclute
It must be because I only fly domestic inside the US (when I fly at all which is extremely rare), but I never find myself in a pla... Read More
20 October 2018
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Saturday Musings - Taking Time Out

How do you recharge your batteries?

Finding out how you recharge your batteries is one of the most important things you can do. Each of us have a little internal dynamo that sometimes winds down. The end result is that many of us grit our teeth with internal exhaustion as we face each day.

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Internal tiredness has nothing to do with the number of hours of sleep we’ve had the night before but more about a sense of needing some “me” time. For some people this means going to the gym, taking a walk or staring at the television….for me it’s a little different.

For example, last night at around midnight I decided to stop working and pulled out a new computer game. Next thing I know it’s 4am and my empire has now expanded across multiple star systems. I tear myself away from my PC and decide that it’s about time for me to head to bed. I wake up about 5 hours later completely refreshed and so excited about the Saturday ahead of me.

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Saturday Musings - TED Talk by Ray Dalio

Principles - Ray Dailio TED talk

As many readers are aware, during this year I’ve been sharing a number of the principles that I endeavour to follow in my own life. I’ve found they have helped me enormously in relationships and making better decisions.

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Early this year I had a friend give me the book “Principles” by Ray Dalio and recommended that I read it. I found it was really interesting reading from a person that has analytically put principles into practice in almost every aspect of his business. I should say from the start that I didn’t agree with everything that he wrote but it was still extremely challenging.

Ray spoke at TED 2017 in Vancouver and in a simple example I think he brilliantly summarised the practical outworking of what it means to work in a radically transparent meritocracy. This allows the staff at his hedge fund, Bridgewater Capital, to focus on the best ideas rather than all the politics that often rips apart many organisations and often results in bad decision making.

He freely admits that it’s not for everyone but the example he uses of radical transparency is eye opening….and extremely challenging. I hope you enjoy the video and find it thought provoking.

Have a great weekend.
Michael

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